The "worst of all possible novels"

I just saw the 2014 results of the Lyttle Lytton Contest. In this annual contest, which is run by the multitalented writer Adam Cadre (pictured), each entrant tries to “compose the opening sentence to the worst of all possible novels.”

It is a contest of, in Mr. Cadre’s words, “intentional unintentional comedy.” He explains that “an entry is ridiculous, yet plausible enough that we can laugh at the imaginary author who wasn’t trying to be funny, while simultaneously laughing with the real author who was clever enough to invent that imaginary author.” 

The winning entry for 2014 was:

“Together, we will beat them all,” she whispered, caressing the circlet-girt fontanelles of her #royalbaby.

And here’s one of the runners-up:

As we gazed into each other’s eyes, Colin moved the front bits of my hair off my face and put them with my other hair.

And one more:

It was 1995 the year the soccer teams came, kicking their balls, to town.

The Takeaway: If you enjoy this sort of thing, read the 2014 results. They include not only the best entries but also Mr. Cadre’s witty comments about how he chose them.

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